Monday, September 20, 2010



There's less than a day left of my twenties. Looking back, there are some things I would like to tell twenty year old Dan.

Dear twenty year old Dan,

- If you plan on being an artist, just skip college. Maybe get an Associates from a community college, but don't even bother with the full thing.

- Take a friend to New York, not some girl you think is cute, but is most definitely not into you. You'll have more fun that way.

- In fact, get over every one of the girls you meet in your early twenties. You are not John Cusack, this is not the 80's, they don't even make boom boxes anymore, and this isn't a movie.

-Dating someone because you're lonely is not the best idea.

-Live with someone for at least a year before proposing. I think this should be the new standard for people, contrary to the previous generations' "you're living in sin" standard. The hell with that. I'd rather live in sin than find out I'm living in hell.

- Your family is great, but you need to move out after college. Like, right away. Again, I think everyone should.

- When you have the option of seeing James Brown or The Mars Volta, go with James Brown. Because as awesome as MV is in concert, they will live a lot longer. And it's frigging James Brown, you idiot!

- Be careful when riding your bike past any bus door in the city. Especially the night of your dad's birthday, when you are racing to get home.

-Starbucks was actually not a mistake, as it led to...well, alot of things. But promoting in Starbucks was a mistake. At least for you, you assclown.

- You got a little lazy screening your roommates. Despite this, most of them were awesome. Some, however, were absolutely not awesome.

-Do NOT spend your 21st birthday with that lunatic who took you to a Weezer concert! He is trouble! I won't go into specifics, but he ends up crazy as a loon, and you should enjoy your 21st! Plus, Weezer sucks after Pinkerton. It's not my opinion, it's just science.

- Don't be so lazy about drawing early in your twenties. I could've had so many more books out if you weren't such a bum!

- Finally, with all this advice on what not to do, I'll add one more. Don't do anything differently than what I did. Just a scant twelve days after turning thirty, you'll marry Meg, a girl you'll meet in your early twenties, when both of you are figuring out that the people you're with aren't working out. You'll start dating a few years later, and embark on thrill ride of ups and downs, all the while growing together. I've probably said too much already, just try and act surprised when it happens, okay?


  1. Sometimes we regret things, but in the end, those experiences make us who we are today. You're a great guy, Dan, and here's an early "Happy Birthday" to you.

  2. That was incredibly heartfelt... I read a LOT of stuff. Most are interesting, funny, or practical. There are very few things though, that are so endearing to me that the moment I've finished reading them I realize "Wow! I'm glad I read that."... Maybe even a little inspirational. Thanks for that.
    Happy Birthday, man!
    Here's to a career as long as James Brown's!!... Without the mug shot... Even though his was awesome...